random

i'm just wondering...who are the people who reads my blog?besides the people on my list. are there people who chance upon here? people who searched for my name? people who linked their way here? i wonder i wonder....

confused

i'm so looking forward to the day that my dream will come true. but no matter how i wish for it to be true, deep down i know it's impossible.

then why should i cheat myself? it seriously hurts...

promises...should they exist?

my msn nick's personal message read: if promises are meant to be broken...then they shouldn't exist.

interestingly, when diana agreed with me, this was what i replied to her:

::爱萍:: 我们约好闯荡的那片天，我一个人向前 ~op~: but isn't tt very sad then?

::爱萍:: 我们约好闯荡的那片天，我一个人向前 ~op~: cause promises exists when there's trust

::爱萍:: 我们约好闯荡的那片天，我一个人向前 ~op~: but since promises can't be kept

::爱萍:: 我们约好闯荡的那片天，我一个人向前 ~op~: we can no longer trust the people around us

::爱萍:: 我们约好闯荡的那片天，我一个人向前 ~op~: without trust between people

::爱萍:: 我们约好闯荡的那片天，我一个人向前 ~op~: then what's left between people?

isn't it interesting that people can live for years with people they call friends and make things like promises without understanding the meaning behind them?and i feel as though i'm one of them. i complain, but how much do i understand myself? isn't everyone just trying to learn these stuff throughout their lives? if they can understand the meaning in this life, good for them; if they can't understand it, then there really isn't anything that they can do, is there?

wasn't in the best of mood just a moment ago. felt so depressed and disheartened by the thoughts i had. then when i went online to check up the blogs, i found ange's updates. my first thought was to send her a message. and when she replied me on msn, there was this warmth that really touched me.

like what they say: friendship is the only ship that never sinks. although there may be leaks at times, but it can be fixed and when it's fixed, it'll sail the seas again.

perhaps, just perhaps, i'm starting to get it.

a toast to friendship

rotten day

bahz...my lappie clock reads 3.47pm but i'm already feeling so tired.and i wanna blog about wat a rotten day it had been so that hopefully the rest of the day will pass peacefully, at least not as rotten.

went to the host company for our AA205 project this morning. had to attend to something so i had to cab down alone and met the rest there. and even before we could start the interview proper, the person in charge threw a bomb in our face-another NTU group had done the business process last year, exactly 2 semesters ago!!! oh my goodness...so we were praying very hard that the prof would give us the ok. but when we consulted him about an hour ago, he told us it was impossible for us to do the same process again since it was clearly stated so in the requirements. and so we called up the company and they only agreed to let us shift to the quality assurance department, which according to our tutor is not a business process and so...we've got to source for a new company for the project now...and the proposal is due next friday...

this is just so irritating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:(

一个人流浪

woah. listened to Fahrenheit's 一个人流浪 repeatedly on my way home, think i heard it around twenty times? haha. but anyway, think it's about friendship since young which soured 'cause of a misunderstanding? and some lyrics just brought back memories...memories that i didn't realise i still remember.

sometimes i really wonder how important is friendship to people. i don't dare claim that i'm the best friend anyone can get. especially since i'm always so forgetful and lost in my own world, i tend to forget my friends at times or overlook details in their life. sometimes i even wonder if i'm considered a good friend. but i really value the friendship that exists between us.

thinking back, i seem to have changed over the years. i remember i valued my friends so much back then that i could quarrel with my dad and do lots of silly things. but now, i'm so self-centred. it really makes me wonder what exactly happened to me. perhaps i'm finding excuses for myself, but this memory just came back to me this afternoon when i was listening to the song.

我们约好闯荡的那片天 我一个人向前

so many promises made. so many promises broken. i've lost confidence in promises. i no longer dare to make promises. i don't dre believe in anymore promises. words no longer mean anything. nothing in this world lasts. people said that friends that have been through thick and thin together will stick together. but what about friends who stood by your side only to betray all the promises made. don't people always place themselves before others? aren't people selfish? it's been over 7 years, but i'll never forget. the tears we cried: when she left and when she broke her promise. i didn't know it bothered me so much, i have no idea i still care. or am i just finding excuses?

i want to be who i was. i hate growing up.

i'm losing the things that i held so dear when i was young. things around me, people around me, my values and principles in life. why is this happening to me? what am i when i start lossing all these?

这一秒我哭了。因为，我开始遗失了自己。

stepping stone...

wah!just got back from a 25 min jog. not much, but still an achievement for me as it's been ages since i last got into my sports gear. then did some other routines before i went to shower. so refreshed now!

yep!before i can do anything, i've got to first ensure that i've got enough exercise to keep me healthy. so i'm going to start exercising regularly. besides being healthy, i'll be more refreshed and have more confidence in myself when it comes to tackling problems and working towards my goals.

this is the first step of my life revolution.

cheers!

living the life i want...LOL

haha.to kick start my 'boldly-living-the-life-i-want' move, i bought fahrenheit's album!haha.and since i cant go get their signature this sunday nor go see them on sat at SHE's concert, i started nagging to my hall mate. and she told me her fren's gg and i begged her t ask her fren t get their signature for me and she agreed!!!!!!!YIPPIE!!!!!!!i'm so happy!!!!

bahz...only ate subway today at 7pm...now i'm feeling hungry again...darn...supposed to go jogging later...haha...DON'T PROCRASTINATE!!!!!!!!!!! move your butt off that chair and start doing some exercise gal!

LOL. i'm nuts...

cheers!

Fahrenheit!!!

haha. over the span of less than a week, i'm now a fan of fahrenheit! i'll probably be fanatic about them for a while, and before i know it, it'll probably die down abit but i'm sure they'll still remain as my fave since this is the very first guys group that's caught my attention. even F4 didn't have such effects on me back then.lolz.

anywayz, was reading arron's blog, he's a fahrenheit member. he's around the same age as me!!!!!in fact he's only older by a few months! but anyway, he's so cute!!haha.now i've got his pictures on my lappie desktop, phone background, phone screensaver, his mvs in my phone.oh, i should look for his picture and set them as my lappie screensaver!lolz. indulge my fanaticism, i don't do this often anyway.hahz.

but back to his blog, he seems to be a pretty philosophical guy. though he seems to dwell quite a bit in the melancholic side, it all makes sense. and it all seem to be questions that often pop up in my head, it's all just a matter of whether i bother to voice it out. which apparently i don't often do since i always forget what went through my head just before i switch on my lappie.

and anyway, his determination and belief somehow influenced me and i decided to do something that i've been procrastinating for years and years. not that i'm very old, just that i've decided to do something that i always wanted to do but never had the courage to do.ok, i mean, it isn't exactly what i want to do, but this will be a first step to trying to achieve what i've always wanted so badly. i'm not going to worry about the outcome right now. no point worrying anyway. instead of wasting time on worrying, i should really spend the time wisely and do the things i want to do, things i love to do.

yep.decided.from now on, i shall boldly live the life i want.

:)

playing along

哈哈哈。受到weinz的影响，让我也来写词吧。

面对你留下的曾经，
时间无法为我暂停。
想着你说过的话语，
只能活在有你的过去。

haha.lyrics from a song i wrote some time ago.not fantastic,but somehow reflects my feelings.

emptiness once again

exam results came out and i was not very disappointed but neither was i very thrilled since i didn't quite hit my own expectations.

now new semester has started. but somehow, i'm feeling an emptiness once more. and i just feel an urge to cry, for no apparent reasons. something's missing from my life and i don't seem to know wad it is tat i want.

i seem to be living a meaningless life right now: no motivation, no destination, no reasons. in case you are worried by what i just said, nope, i'm not thinking of anything stupid. i'm just feeling quite useless right now. i don't seem to have anything to work towards; i don't seem to have anything to hold on to; i don't seem to be in existence for anyone; i don't seem capable of pursueing my dreams, even though i understand that my dreams can never come true, no matter how hard i wish for it, some things just can't be changed, can they?