Alone once again~

I chanced upon this old entry from Oct 2009...

I have not much memory of what exactly had happened then to have triggered such a post...

But I know that right now in my life...such a post is the most appropriate in describing how I am feeling...I have never felt so alone...I used to count my blessings and was grateful for the many friends I had...

But now...it feels like clinging on to a wood plank in the middle of the ocean...struggling to keep afloat and retain my sanity, going about the usual activities in life...trying not to break down.

Loneliness...betrayal...judgement...pretense...emptiness...confusion...anger...bitterness...

I pray to be politically correct...I pray to have the strength to do and say what's right...I pray to keep my head and not let my emotions get the better of me...

Sometimes it's not that I don't wish to be truthful and say what I mean...

But I fear being judged...which I fear has already happened...