时间。

Precious Moments

A Whatsapp dialogue with a friend suddenly brought on this revelation in me:

As time goes by, we will meet more and more new people and friends. On the other hand, our time on this world is diminishing by the second. Even if we were able to keep everyone in our lives, we won't have enough time for everyone. Then you will have to start thinking who should get that precious cut of the time you have left n this world...

Memories

They are a torturous thing aren't they? How little things in life actually acts as a catalyst and spurs on a whole train load of memories of how life used to be, how you were happier back then, how things could have been.

Watching the person that you once liked/loved moving on, can you never wish him happiness? Or will you be able to find it in yourself to wish him, and her, happiness ever after?

Maybe I really am too much of a dreamer, just wishing for someone who will walk me home after a late night movie, holding my hand and stopping to look at the stars along the way. But is it really that hard to find someone in this materialistic/practical world who is willing to forgo that bit of time every once in a while just to hold me and feel time pass us by, wishing that time will stand still for us, freezing that moment of happiness for eternity...

Odd one out

You know how we always think that the one that left out is always the weaker one? I just witnessed a scene which is pretty amusing, and it also says that the one left out sometimes really is just the odd one out.

There's this gentleman who works at this eating place right opposite my shop, and every day without fail, he pours the leftovers from customers' plates in this side alley for the birds.

The same thing happened just now, and a flock of birds descended on the food not too long after he steps away. Out of this flock of birds, they were mostly mynahs and pigeons. However, there was this one crow which joined them.

Initially, I thought given the more aggressive temperament of the crow, it will most likely get most of the little rice fed to them. Boy was I surprised by what I saw next - the crow was sidelined!!! And it was pecking at whatever little rice there was at the edge of where the flock was gathered! Even though it was the largest bird in the flock, after just a couple of pecks of food, it flew to higher grounds to watch the other birds feed! Then flapped down for a couple more pecks before returning to higher grounds on its own! Even when the gentleman brought out more food, and another crow joined the now bigger flock of birds, the two crows eventually made off with just one bigger piece of food between the two of them!

Seeing how my initial expectations played out, really brought to mind how we always feel that kids are sidelined and bullied simply cause they are weaker. But how many have thought of this possibility - those sidelined aren't any weaker than school bullies, it's just that they are but that one or two person who don't fit into how majority of the kids are while bullies gather up other kids to make up numbers and they become more gutsy in that sense.

Seriously, maybe someone should make this little story into some kinda children's book or animation for instilling self-confidence and self-worth in kids...

Being Selfish

Ok...after all that flooding of horoscope stuff, I think I should minimise the horoscope stuff I put up here. Bad thing about being a Pisces, the more I "learn" about myself, the more emotionally unstable and depressed I get. Haha. So yes, high time to cut down on the horoscope stuff.

Been meaning to do a daily reflection kinda thing here, but I realise my life is so empty now I don't know what's there to reflect on.

I have my business, my friends, my family, but somehow it still feels so empty. I realise I don't have a person who belongs to me to share my life with. Maybe that's why I want to find a partner, cause then I know there is someone who belongs to me (maybe also his family and friends, but me being his priority) and who will not think of another person more than he thinks of me; something like me being the second most important person, 1st being himself, haha.

I guess it sounds really selfish if I put it this way, but yes I really think I am a selfish person deep down. Sometimes I try not to be selfish and appear generous cause I don't want to be too possessive or too pushy and let others dislike me. But with age, sometimes you just can't be bothered what others want to think or feel towards you. I mean seriously, who in this world will love you as unconditionally as yourself? Even parents, they will still be distracted by other siblings, the other parent, their own parents, and of course, themselves. And sometimes I really start to believe that if you treat others too nice, they will take you for granted, so at the end of the day, you should treat yourself the best, thereafter, you start to care for the special someone, so that even if they do take you for granted, you did not mistreat yourself.

Sometimes, enough is enough, you really shouldn't force yourself to make everyone's life better at your own expense. Living our own short short life is tough enough, why try so hard to live so many other life of the people around you, especially people who don't treasure you, people who don't value you the same way.

Say I'm selfish, but life's just far too short for us to spend so much time for others and eventually regret on our death beds.

Inability to blog...with age

I think I'm getting old.

Was reading through older posts and realise that I used to be better with my words, though not exactly fantastic anyway, but it was more engaging and more entertaining.

Now, it just feels bland...

And I hardly have anything that I feel is worth blogging about...

I suspect this has something to do with the passing of time. As time passes, we experience new people, new situations and new emotions and thoughts. But as more time passes, the people start to repeat in slightly different variations, situations too, which in turn results in evoking the same emotions and thoughts we have been through before. Then in this case, who would be intrigued by background emotions and thoughts to actually blog about it? Just seems too insignificant compared to what we have been through, isn't it?

I'm old.

好久不见～

怎麼感覺像是很久没真正地來這裡留言了？不過看看日期，好像還真的很久了。

發現自從我不再認真地把心情PO上這裡，生活好像有點亂了步伐。心情、情緒、感想，好像都沒了聯繫，好像就只是在人生里慢慢飄著，任由時間擺佈。這是好事、壞事？可是，什麼才是好，什麼才是壞？誰真的能說的明白？

之前大病了一場，當時想起了一些人事物，似乎有了一點點久違了的感觸。

其實生命裡，真的沒有所謂的沒有誰就不行。一个人、一件事、一樣東西，無論再好，不屬於你就終究都不會是你的。一切事情其實都有其中的因果。

四段所謂的感情，四種不同的結論：

第一次，對的人、錯的時間

情竇初開，看見一個在同班同學中較穩重的男生，再加上很多很多的巧合，促使我勇敢地主動去認識他，漸漸地成為朋友，然後又比朋友多那麼一點點的曖昧。患得患失間，讓我有了初戀的錯覺。後知後覺，發現他好像對女生都如同哥哥對待妹妹似的。告訴自己，他或許真的只把我当妹妹吧，而我也真的誤會了，畢竟那是第一次我有被当是妹妹的感覺。回想起後來的點點滴滴，可能那時他对我真的有意思，可是他不確定，也没準備，所以就不了了之。後來，也許他想拉進我們的距離，可是我已經沒期望了，也就沒回應。久了，我們就真的只是朋友了。雖然聽到他有了喜歡的人，一直到他求婚，心裡有點不舒服。可那也只是小小的遺憾吧。畢竟他條件不差，我們之間又有許多“可能”和“也許”，這反映也自然吧。可是，錯過就超過了，真的沒什麼好說的。

第二次，油腔滑調 vs 天真浪漫

永遠永遠都不要為了忘記一段感情而投入另一段感情。因為你會失去理智、自我放縱，直到在不知不覺中陷了下去、無法自拔。他是我的夢中情人-唱歌、帥氣、籃球健將、油腔滑調、高大。他讓我體會到我膚淺的那一面，可是也是讓我最難放下的人。可能因為只是迷戀，總覺得再也不會遇到這樣的夢中情人，在心裡緊抓著不放，拼命地奢望會有奇蹟。回想起來，很沒理由、沒意義，只因為想忘了一個穩重的人，而認為戀上一個沒結果的人，當中的反差會讓我醒悟而且清醒。可是結果是我卻越陷越深、無法自拔，痛苦、傷心、流淚、荒廢學業，直到最後被人利用才恍然大悟。本來以為我無法忍受喜歡上木納的人，結果油腔滑調的讓我傷得更深，所以告訴自己，油腔滑調可以只是待人處事的一種。

第三次，自欺欺人

我對他從一開始就沒什麼印象。一直到他開始對我注意，我才慢慢開始注意他。我告訴自己這次不同，他不只說好聽的話，他還有貼心的舉動-送我回家、對我關心、問候。一直到後來的忽冷忽熱，我卻還是自欺欺人，告訴自己他的確喜歡過我，不然怎麼會有那些舉動？可是結果卻無法否認-自作多情。我只是想說服自己，成為大人、出來工作的自己，我可以有人疼、有人關心，我不是沒有魅力的小女生。結果？我的確只是個小女生，想太多的小女生。原來不只油腔滑調是待人處事的一種，過分關心也是。

第四次，剪不斷、理還亂

放下了，可是我永遠也無法釋懷。欺騙、背叛，半年的時間卻彷彿是半輩子。笑過、哭過、瘋過，就是沒罵過、打過。恨過嗎？不知道。可能有吧，可能就現在，可能是在紙包不住火的那時。中間體會到什麼最酸-在沒資格吃醋時吃醋最酸。人生如戲-同樣的紅圍巾、雪上加霜、世界這麼小。知人知面不知心-謊言、背叛。橫刀奪愛？他愛過我嗎？還是就只是曖昧-因為理想對象還沒出現。可能我想太多了，因為不甘心覺得自己沒那魅力。可能就真的只是他說的-從來都只把我當成好朋友。之前認為一個巴掌拍不響，原來曖昧真的不代表喜歡，更別說是愛。

如今我還希望被疼愛，可是我真的心灰了，不敢再奢望什麼了。

淚，還是會流，代表心還會痛。
心，還是會痛，代表我還活著。
那，我還活著，代表我還能愛？

I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one who could always brighten up a day even if she couldn't brighten her own.
"Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad."

--thanks Ifwah~

If life was a module...

What would be the topic for your thesis?

Little deer anyhow knock...

Bah...little gestures, little actions, little looks...

Little idea of what's going on...

Little deer anyhow knock -_-"

生命如果只剩一秒...

I don't know why, but been feeling kinda moody recently. Perhaps it's my periodical 'down time'.

Been thinking about stuff like...why people don't seem to treasure what they have until they lose it...

But then again...while waiting for someone you like...where is the limit? How long is enough? When do you stop waiting for the person you like to return the feelings? When is the difference between 癡情, 專情 & 自作多情?

如果生命真的只剩一秒, 我應該會有很多遺憾吧...

Procrastination...

yes yes yes. it's been ages since I last did the following:

1. continue updating my perth trip
2. update my story
3. write a song
4. played bball
5. read a book
6. went shopping
7. finish packing my room(which resembles a war zone right now)

sigh...the works of procrastination. and the temptations from online videos!!!

maybe i should get the stuff done gradually...BUT SCHOOL'S STARTING THIS MONDAY!!!!

another day before school reopens and i failed to get 2 electives...needing another freaking elective to clear my AUs...disgusting...

bacj to my tv program...sigh...procrastination...

醜陋的人性

最近沒甚麼作, 所以多點時間去想一些平常沒深入去想的事.

不知怎麼地, 忽然覺得人性好丑陋. 發現有好多人可以為了自己的利益而作出傷害別人的事.

為甚麼人們就不能從別人的角度去看待事情呢?

不是每件事都有絕對的對與錯, 人們又何必如此否定別人的意見呢?

人, 可以為了達到目的而處心積慮地設計別人.

多恐怖的世界啊! 突然好懷念小時候的單純...

What's the world coming to?

First things first, I'M GOING TO TAIWAN WITH TIAN AND JASM!!!!!!!! So excited!!! First time taking plane without my parents!!! Haha.

Anyway, there was this Live Earth thingy around the world yesterday, wasn't there? I kinda think it was really good that the media is finally taking the initiative to do something for the environment.

However, I still think it was kind of a flop. The concerts were supposed to be telling people to be more environmentally friendly. But right after the concerts, the people simply left LOADS of TRASH behind. Lots of them non-environmentally friendly too. I mean, hello? The message doesn't seem to have been brought across apparently? These people were just there for the show! Sigh. Seems like it's going to take a long while before people really become environmentally aware.

The question now is, how long can our Earth wait?

Then, was watching the news about the new 7 wonders. I almost went crazy.

What exactly does 'wonder' mean to you? Shouldn't it be something that is so amazing in the sense that it's almost impossible to imagine how in the world people at the time of construction could have managed to pull it off so perfectly? It shouldn't just be something people thinks look nice or it has a great meaning behind it right?

I mean, I'm not saying that the meaning and stuff is not important, but, what's it with the Christ Redeemer being one of the wonders? I have absolutely nothing against the statue, or Brazil, or Christians, or even Christ. But, may I know in what way is it considered a 'wonder'? I'm still trying VERY hard to see how it fits into the 'wonder' category. I mean, shouldn't something like the Egyptian Pyramids make a much better candidate as a 'wonder'? Up till now, people still find it unthinkable how Egyptians back then could have built such an architecture with boulders larger than themselves using the technology back then.

I mean, shouldn't something be considered a 'wonder' cause it 'makes you wonder how in the world did they manage it with whatever they had', rather than 'make you wonder how in the world did it get into the list'?

Now THAT, really makes me wonder...

Well, anyway, anyhow, I'm gonna go back to discussing my taiwan trip with tian and jasm. TTFN~~

要求太高?

是我對人的要求太高了嗎? 有時覺得自己好像太自我為中心了...

可能有些時候要求別人做到的,就連自己也做不到吧. 那我又憑甚麼要求別人做到呢?

但是, 有時想要別人達到自己的要求, 那很難嗎?

雖然我的要求包括了解我心里對你的要求...

好像是有那麼點苛刻...

所謂的愛情長跑...

有時候, 一段感情可以維持很長的時間, 真的是因為兩人都深愛著對方嗎? 還是只因為兩人都是固執的相信自己的那段感情是經得起考驗的?所以無論發生甚麼,他們都會鎮守著那段感情,即使他們已不再愛著對方.

可是,人又該如何去判斷自己是否還愛著對方呢?畢竟感情是會隨著時間而變淡的.

但...信任也會隨著時間而增加,不是嗎?

愛情...到底是甚麼玩意ㄦ嗎...